SassyMcSmartyPants

2011, One of my BEST years (part 1)

2012-01-09T23:00:00.000-06:00

1) First things first, we picked a date! June 25, 2011.

2) Then I picked out this amazing dress!!! At Lowe's, in Arkansas.
$1200 dress and $400 veil. We got them both for $650 at the January Sample Sale!

(It obviously looks better on her, which gives you an idea of it's beauty)

3) But the year still started out rough... living at home with your parents (@29!), planning a wedding with
your parents, parents want one certain type of wedding, you want another. I'm sure you can imagine the conversations that were had around the topic. It was very much like I was 15 again. But, then comes compromise!! We hashed it out, had a few "come to Jesus meetings" and planned an amazing wedding (more to come).

4) Then, I got these AMAZING roses at work on Valentine's Day. I have never received flowers at work before. It was awesome!

5) Dad had surgery on his bladder at Vanderbilt. He had the entire cancerous bladder removed. The surgeon then removed some intestines and created a neo bladder out of it. Very risky surgery, but dad did amazing. He basically had all his insides, his guts, removed and then stuffed back in. How painful, but my daddy got through it!! This is him before the surgery with a plastic balloon heating pad on his chest. Does it remind you of anything? At least he still had his sense of humor...

That's him playing with his "once in a lifetime" boobies ;)
Obviously, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...

6) Then, dear friend, who was on bedrest FOREVER, had the most gorgeous twins. Love Love Love them. Just look at these feet!

7) And in what seemed like a few days later, Bestie has her first baby. I am a proud self-appointed God mom even though I am soooo not Catholic. ;)

I made this little diaper cake for baby's dirty booty...

8) I had the most awesome wedding shower ever. My two very dear friends went all out, balls to the wall, and planned the most amazing shower I have ever been too. And I'm not saying that because I am biased, literally, it was the most beautiful shower EVER. So beautiful, we didn't really take any pictures. Ha! But it was awesome none-the-less. Thanks so much to Christine, Lindsey and Mrs. Woodward. It was so amazing!

9) THEN finance went on four bachelor parties, yes, I SAID FOUR!!! First to Cancun, that one was a doozy. HUGE trust issues for me! I mean, what virgin in her right mind is going to send her man, a month away from marrying him (and doing him!!!!!!!), to the Las Vegas of SEX in Mexico?! Me! I agreed to it. And then instantly regreted it. During the trip, all the boys, but mine, kept their girlfriends updated via email, and the girls kept me abreast of what was going down in Mexico's Sexvegas. If you could imagine some of the stories after they got back tho... Everytime someone says "remember in Cancun," I cringe, cover my ears, and sing Lady Gaga really loud. Ugh, I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!!!

The other three trips that his amazing, wonderful, fantastic, hot blonde fiance let him go on...
A weekend at Pickwick Lake, weekend in New Orleans and weekend in Nashville.
Yeah, I know, I'm awesome!

10) So I decided to go on a bachelorette weekend of my own! My lovely bridesmaid Tiffany took me to Florida for the BEST weekend. A bunch of "single girls," a cooler of drinks, sexy bathing suits and some greasy suntan (I mean sunburn) oil screams girls party weekend (of which I still have few photos).

All the girls out in San Destin

My Snookie Bachelorette Outfit. Yes, It was a one-piece skin tight dress.

Notice the cut-out front. It was awesome!

(What actually happened at the party, I can't tell you that!!

Let me just say, however, that there were many fake, flashy penis' involved!)

Next up, wedding festivities. I'll hold you in suspense for that.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Boo on you, 2010!

2012-01-09T21:39:00.000-06:00

My 2011 year-in-review is coming soon. But, let's first take a look at 2010.

IT WAS A WRETCHED, HORRIBLE YEAR!!!

13 days into the year, I was laid off from my job
Job search began the morning after...
March 28 I officially started my new job (yes, I am extremely grateful for having landed a job so quickly!!)
Dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer
Then I was in a wretched accident with my boyfriend that almost cost my life (if I wasn't wearing a helmet, doctors have told me, I most likely would have died from a brain anorism).
Many weeks and months of recovery
Moved TO MY PARENTS (@29!) for recovery
Two weeks after accident, my uncle is diagnosed with colon cancer
Then cousin breaks his hand, has invasive hand surgery
Mom has some random heart scares (she's fine now)
Sister moves away
Experienced my first Budget and Planning season at work (not so pleasant)

And then,

I GOT ENGAGED!!!

So 2010 ended well, but besides the November 12 weekend and the fact that I got a cool job, the rest of the year was a big pile of dog crap.

I love ONLINE DATING!

2011-12-07T16:14:00.001-06:00

I have a friend who has an online profile on a dating site. This person occasionally, and maybe I should very infrequently, is active on these sites. However, she has started looking again. She does it randomly which is fun cause I like to hear the occasional story.

Anyway, when we were together recently, she logged into the free site she uses from my phone. AND THIS IS A HORRIBLY BAD THING FOR HER. Because, not knowing it, her sign in info was saved on my phone. And now I have all access. YES!!

So, with her permission of course, I went man shopping from her profile today for the first time ever. I just wanted to see how the whole thing works. AND OMG! It is a blast! You can literally enter your man hunt criteria in the search field and BAM! there are 100 men that fit exactly what you are looking for. How dang cool is that?! So I picked some dudes I think she needs to chat with. And who even knows, maybe she'll meet the man of her dreams all because of me!!

I have a few friends that have met their significant others online and I think that's exciting. At least they really are finding someone who is a perfect match for them. And, its a better story than meeting someone at a bar or whatever...

I can't wait to help my friend go man shopping some more. Since I met my (amazing) man right when online dating was becoming a big thing, I never explored it. But OMG, I definitely recommend. Sooo fun.

Pardon me, I have some man hunting to do...

Blogging from the TUB

2011-12-06T12:50:00.002-06:00

I'm back. I know you guys thought I had forgotten about my blog, you thought I was gone and never coming back again. But I'm back- bigger and better than ever.

Today I am blogging from the bath using my new iPhone 4S. The cool thing about this is I can use the blogger app and the cool little microphone feature to dictate my thoughts and then it types it for me. You guys are going to get more new blog updates than you ever imagined now because of these features.

Today is my day off and that's why I'm in this warm, bubbly, relaxing bath which is much deserved after planning a wedding, getting married, moving into my my husband's house, settling a new home, making it through budget season at work and being married for almost six months. It's been a super super long busy year of no blogging, but it's been totally worth it.

Soon, I will dictate blogs about all of these big, life-changing events so that you guys will be well in the know about what's been going on with me.

So stay tuned...

AB

The Crappy Meal

2011-01-04T22:03:00.019-06:00

I saw this on the Daily Show today and could not stop laughing. It's one of the funniest things that I have seen on that show in awhile. And, it's just the perfect mixture of sarcasm and a healthy dose of harassment for those dumb lawmakers in San Fransisco. Um hello! Children aren't grabbing their purse, driving to McDonald's in their Chevy Tahoe, reading the menu board, choosing their sides and then swiping their debit/credit card just for a happy meal toy.

IT'S THE PARENTS FOLKS! The parents hold all responsibility!

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/mon-january-3-2011/san-francisco-s-happy-meal-ban?xrs=share_copy
(sorry for the link, the embed won't work)

Disclaimer: This is not the opinion of McDonald's Corporation or any professional association I may be involved with. These are just my personal feelings on this controversial topic.

SH!T My Dad Says

2011-01-04T20:54:00.001-06:00

You know that tweeter, the one that is super famous by tweeting "shit my dad says." If you aren't in the tweetosphere, then you're probably more familiar with the TV show that stole said tweeters idea for primetime's idea of cheap comedy. (The tweet feed is waaaay better....)

Anyway, my dad reminds me a lot of this mysterious dad that has become a household figure because of his oneliners.

I was telling my dad how I think I've finally nailed down a date to get hitched. This is a recap of our conversation:

Me: Dad, I think I've finally picked a definite wedding date. I'm going to give you the best birthday present ever this year!
Dad: What is that, finally getting rid of you?!
Me: Yep, and I'm excited about it.
Dad: I'm excited that we're all going to be "doing it" on the same night at the same time! And someone's going to be screaming 'Ride'em Cowboy!"

Oh... Em... Gee!!!

DID HE REALLY JUST SAY THAT?

UPDATE: (10 mins later)
Me: Dad, I still can't believe you just said that to me!
Dad: Well, are you a screamer?! (LONG PAUSE) Because I may or may not have been talking about me and your mom.

END OF CONVERSATION. I have now learned my lesson to let sleeping dogs lie. UGH, I think I just through up a little in my mouth.

Holiday Greeting from my girls!

2010-12-21T10:46:00.000-06:00

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Keeping up with the Kardashians reality TV show. The girls are so superficial and ridiculous. And it's great watching the family fight and always create some kind of drama. Makes my family look somewhat normal. It's definitely smut TV and that's why I love it.

Here's Saturday Night Live's holiday card from the Kardashian sisters. Enjoy.

One of my most favorite words

2010-12-20T11:26:00.000-06:00

Some of finance's friends got engaged last night. I love these people ! They are sooo fun and really share a kind of sick humor like we do.

So after dude proposes to his girlfriend, he texts my man and says: "It's official, only one vagina for the rest of my life."

I don't think he could have summarized the male perspective of proposals/marriages any more perfectly. AND he used one of my most favorite words in his proposal description...

VAGINA!
(I just had to say it...)

Such a sucker...

2010-12-09T10:33:00.002-06:00

If you know me, you know I like to pretend that I don't like sappy love stories. Actually, usually I don't. I absolutely hate all of Jennifer Aniston's romantic comedies and all those with Cameron Diaz or Tom Cruise (but I do like the ones with Hugh Grant, Mark Ruffalo, John Cusack and Richard Gere :)). So basically, I abhor half of all the romantic comedies made in the 21st century.

But the real life romances are what get me. And maybe they aren't even romances. I have a fiance, I wouldn't say we have a romance. But, then again, maybe we do. Who knows...

William and Kate might have a relationship like I do. Or, they could have a steamy-hot love affair or a fairy-tale romance. It's anyone's guess...

That's why I really really want to read this book. It may be voyuer syndrome or something, but I love reading all about other people's private business...

So, if you can't figure out what to get me for the holidays, here's an idea. (HINT! HINT! Or I want the UT Ribbon belt found at football fanatics.com) Man, I wish my Secret Santa read my blog.

Disclaimer: Yes, I know I previously ruined a friendship by telling someone they are selfish for listing everything the ever wanted for Christmas and sending it to friends. But come on, that was a list of like 100 things. These are two tiny things... Dang it, I am such a hypocrite!

First Ornament on our first tree

2010-12-08T10:58:00.001-06:00

So the weekend after Thanksgiving, my mom suggested we go Christmas Tree shopping. She was interested in maybe purchasing a tree and talking me into purchasing a "first Christmas Tree" for me and the financé (yes, I did type that correctly, it's his new nickname).

I ended up falling in love with this faux-snow-and-berry-covered Christmas Tree. I had to have it and then I talked myself out of it. Then, the financé talked me back into it by saying that "it'll be an investment and we'll get our monies worth from it as we use it year after year." So, I indulged and bought it.

Then my mom surprised me with an ornament she bought at a crafts fair for us. It's our first ornament- a boy proposing to a girl with a black box and shiny faux diamond inside. It's adorable.

Isn't it sweet?

And isn't my tree dreamy. Well, charming and dreamy?!

And the final product.

(I tried the black out the tacky blue floral curtains the back. Those are kinda embarrasing.)

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-17T15:04:00.001-06:00

On July 4th, boyfriend and I were in a pretty ugly ATV accident. As we were jumping off a four-wheeler (it was rapidly sliding down a hill), it decided to go flying in the air and land on my head. I broke my face in four places and fractured my collar bone. It split in half. I could have had a severe concusion, brain damage, a broken neck and damaged spine.

After a long trip to the Iuka ER and an even longer trip to The Regional Medical Center in Memphis, I was finally stabilized. Then I had to wait in the Trama Center for days while a couple of douche bag doctors scheduled surgery. A couple of days became a week and then I had the scariest surgery of my life. I came out of surgery with a deformed face and the most swollen bottom lip I have ever seen. It literally touched my nose.

After ten weeks of recovery (from plastic surgery and a wired mouth) and paying tens of thousands of dollars in medical bills, I have realized how blessed I am because of that day. I now have an awesome man who pledges his love to me and WEARS ORANGE.

The old saying goes, "hind sight is twenty-twenty" and "everything happens for a reason." Now I know why. It brought us closer. It taught us to trust and how value each other . It showed us that life is short and to live while you can, to appreciate every day that you are given. I could have died that day- but I didn't- and now I know why. God had bigger and better plans for me and I couldn't be more thankful.

Thank you God and Happy Thanksgiving everyone !!!

Don't Happen Twice

2010-11-15T17:32:00.004-06:00

Kenny Chesney sings one of my favorite songs, Don't Happen Twice. The song describes what in my mind is the most romantic date EVER. The chorus goes like this:

"We sang Bobby McGee on the hood of my car
Made a wish on every star
In that clear September sky
One bottle of wine and two dixie cups
Three AM I fell in love
For the first time in my life
Oh that's something that just don't happen twice"

Romantical, right?! I've always wanted to have that date. But, I've wanted it in the bed of a pickup just to make it a little more "me." Well, now I have had that date and it was mucho perfecto. Yay me!!! And yay "boyfriend" for making it happen. Except, it wasn't just a date, IT WAS A PROPOSAL. Woohooo!

In the bed of his truck, in a park, next to the Tennessee River, in Knoxville, with my song playing and these:

I GOT ENGAGED!!!

All thanks and praise go to the cool dude above!! I'm so thankful that he made a man who loves me for exactly who I am. "Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, [he] still thinks the sun shines out [my] @$$."- Courtesy of Juno's Dad

No better way to start off the day than with a tornado watch

2010-10-26T12:17:00.000-05:00

It hasn't really rained in Memphis in about 4 months. It was so dry here that we have a "no burning" ordinance in effect. This is so people don't start forest fires or so that the city won't burn down when someone's cow kicks over a lantern in the barn (Chicago, anyone?).

I could tell by the way I slept last night that this was going to be a doozy of a weather day. Then I got to work, looked out my window, on the 28th floor, and saw this cloud right in my face.

This picture doesn't even do it justice. The cloud was as black as black can possibly be! The even scarier part, was that while we were in a tornado watch, huge commercial airliners were flying low next to our building to avoid the cloud on their descent to the airport. (I would have taken pictures of that, but every time one came near, we all split for the elevators, hoping to get downstairs before the building blew up).

Luckily, we did not have a tornado or any severe weather and our building didn't blow up. So that's good! And, now everyone has seen the view from my office :)

And now, I eat my words

2010-10-19T17:18:00.001-05:00

So, I know I said that I hated the idea of "scary" Halloween (it just isn't cute). BUT, when I found a way to edit photos so that I could make them all gory and zombie-like, I couldn't resist. We are two really adorable blood-sucking, decaying creatures.

Two Zombies never looked so good!

I've been Picniking

2010-10-19T16:58:00.000-05:00

Picnik is this online photo editing program my cousin introduced me to. So we subscribed together and now share an account. Anyway, it's a normal editing program, but they've made it super fun. I hated editing photos before (photoshop is for rocket scientists) Picnik came along. So, if you are interested, you can Picnik for free or you can get a subscription. The subscription comes with really fun features. http://www.picnik.com/

This afternoon, I decided to celebrate breast cancer awareness month!

Man, I miss my Ewe Wa Wa girls!

Halloween could be so much cuter!

2010-10-11T11:35:00.001-05:00

It's almost that time of year again! Yay. I just love halloween! Not the scary, gory, bloody, pee-in-your-pants halloween that some people celebrate... I like the Marilynn Monroe/JFK, Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz type of Halloween. To me, Halloween is about fun and fantasy. It's about dressing up in cute costumes and using your imagination. People can dress up as their favorite couple, a fun animal or the latest cultural craze. Halloween has the potential to be so much more pleasant and delightful. I mean who really wants to stick scary pics on their facebook profile. Not me! They're not even cute.

If you're having trouble deciding what you want to be for Halloween, here are 50 feasible couples halloween costumes or some affordable homemade kids costumes. Enjoy! And remember, scary is so not cute.

Happy (early) Halloween!

A lovey, dovey kind of thing...

2010-10-11T10:33:00.003-05:00

I have a new, amazingly cool job now that takes up tons of my time, but I am determined to not let this blog go by they wayside. So, I'm updating it with posts from other blogs I have read.

I was reading the Frisky today- a cool, girly, e-magazine type of blog. This article stood out to me. The reason being is because I'm one of those typical people that don't show love well. So, sometimes I read these b.s. articles to pick up some pointers or to usually just to make my self feel better because:
1. I don't let my guard down enough
2. I am not the most intimate/"share your feelings" kinda girl
3. And, I usually always have some kind of guard/wall up...

This article is geared toward guys, but girls could pitch in a little on the "how to show your love" front too. So ladies (and gents), without further ado, Esquire's top ten tips on "how to signal your love." I think #9 is way cool... something I will probably never do because that's way too "touchy feely" for me, but it's still cool. Numbers 3-6 are common sense by the way...

(Disclaimer- this article has nothing to do with who may or may not be my boyfriend or significant other at the time this was written. It's just an observation. So if you are to read this and think it's about you, it's not! So don't get your panties in a wad)

10 Ways to Signal Your Love
The act of demonstrating love ought to precede the realization that you are actually in love. And the uttering of said realization. So try acting like this. The latest in a continuing online series with advice about women.

By Tom Chiarella
Richard Newstead/Lifesize via Getty

1. Make a decision.

Look, this list works from four principles, crafted from four gerunds: making, giving, doing, saying. That is the order of things, too. Making is first.

First thing: make a decision. For instance, decide: you are not afraid (not afraid to pick out flowers, or to say what you think). Decide: you are not worried about yourself (and what you might or might not get from this endeavor). Decide: you don't deserve anything from love, so you expect nothing. (This, friends, is power.) This allows you to walk the earth without giving up everything to a cultural concept currently defined by the characters sometimes played by Zach Braff, and consistently played by Kathryn Heigl, actors inhabiting characters who at the end of Act Two are crushed when love itself seems indifferent to their hard-won sense of romantic entitlement. It connotes confidence, makes every kindness a tacit invitation. Quid pro quo is best reserved for heavy petting, and shouldn't translate to matters of the heart.

So make a decision that recognizes that the only thing you can control is your own behavior.

2. Make food.

When I first got divorced, a friend of mine gave me a tip on how to feed my kids on a work night. It was a very good tip about frozen skillet meals, which he sometimes made for his twin daughters when their mom was away. It seemed right and kind for him to look out for me in this way. It was so easy; I didn't even have to think about cooking. But the third time I served it, my younger son, Walter, eight at the time, balked. "It tastes like a freezer," he said. "It tastes like yesterday." I was a little miffed that he wasn't eating it, and I'm certain that I showed a flash of frustration. It hurts me to report that he started crying, probably scared by his hulking desperate prick of a father, who got pissed because he, the kid, was too smart to accept a plate of flash-frozen chicken penne. "Is this what you made for Mom?" he asked. "Is this why she doesn't love you?" I wasn't putting one bit of thought or care into what I was cooking. The kid knew it. Smart guy, always was. (Sorry, Walt, for those dopey efforts.)

It was not why she didn't love me, though. I know how to cook. I knew it then. I was the better cook really. I'd simply forgotten that the creation of food — palatable and well made — is an act of devotion first and foremost. It's exactly the sort of safe, selfless demonstrative act that love requires early on.

Observe what she likes. Stock your kitchen. Start with a small plate of at least three well chosen elements: olives, chocolate, expensive cheese. Like that. Move on to breakfast if you're lucky (learn how to cook an omelet), or to dinner's humblest offerings: a savory, soup, salad, bread, and expensive store-bought desert.

Don't apologize for your shortcomings as a cook. Making food is an assertion of capability. Even a bad meal, made for another, tells that person you will try, that you will come back stronger and better informed. Cook — as this web site itself asserts that you can — like a man.

3. Give a gift. (common sense)

Pick it by laying your hands on it. This implies: getting off your ass and giving something that matters. Forget the Internet. Forget anything you can order over the Internet: flowers, perfume, suggestions for the reading club, shake-weights. The Internet is a gas cloud of binary code — long strings of ones and zeros. Don't give in to the coding.

Give her something off your dresser. Give her a drawer in your dresser. Give her an order of take-out sushi at work. Then, forgetting reciprocation entirely, assess how that makes you feel.

4. Give compliments. (common sense)

Lead with one when you walk in the room. Pull her side for another, when you leave the room together. Mean what you say. Women listen to what you appreciate in them. Don't lie about her hair if you don't really like it. Pull her by the elbow and let her know you love her ass.

5. Give your appreciation. (common sense)

I asked my girlfriend: How did your dad show your mom that he loved her? Her response: "Ceaseless appreciation of everything she did for him. He treated everything she did as if it were a surprise, as if it were the first time he'd ever had her chili or smelled her perfume. He noted every routine kindness. And he loved her the same way, consistently, even when she got fat."

Don't worry this last thing. Just appreciate what you have and it won't be an issue anyway.

6. Make a gesture of your very own.

When I was fourteen, I opened my family's refrigerator one evening and discovered a plate of what seemed to be antipasto, in which every piece of food on the plate — the prosciutto, the emmental, the crostini — had been cut in the shape of Valentine hearts. I stood there, staring at it, trapped in the obtuseness of my fourteenth year on the planet, assuming someone made this for me. I pulled it out, went and thanked my mom, who was watching network news on a black and white television. She smiled and said, "That's for me. I can't stand that salty meat, so I left it there all day just to look at it. That's how your father lets me know he loves me." She then told me to look at her dresser, and her nightstand. My father, apropos of nothing — no holiday, no anniversary — had, before leaving the house that morning, shaped everything on every flat surface into hearts. "It's his little thing. It's what he does," my mother said. "It's so corny, but it works."

I've never tried it. That was his material. But I got the point. Small gestures are a pleasure of love.

7. Be a top.

This is a sexual term, related to dominant positioning. Topping someone in sex is informative to a relationship, because there are ways that dominance and strength are a form of completion. Saying what you want, even gruffly, is a means of telling the person you are speaking to that you actually want them, particularly. The message here is: Be strong. Don't be constantly compliant and cooperative. Women want to be heard, but they don't want to push you around. So — despite all my urging to be humble, self-contained, to strip yourself of expectations — be honest about what you need, what you like and what you want. Don't force it, but don't back off either.

8. Be a bottom.

Also a sexual term, related to taking the passive role. I'm not telling you to let her plow you with a strap-on. (Though float your own boat; I do not judge.) I'm talking about letting the needs of the other supercede the needs of the self. Surrender. Give in. Do what she wants, the way she wants it. You can be sure a good woman knows the value of a small surrender. Despite the moronic hegemony of lite-beer commercials in the framing of American male self-conception, there is nothing wrong with going shopping now and then, in reading a book she gives you, in listening to her expansive stories about conflicts at work. You want her to watch games with you, to watch you play softball, to sit around and eat wings once in a while, right? Lookie there, I'm in the middle of a Miller Lite commercial as we speak.

9. Tell her what you are.

Make a list of all your flaws, foibles, and missteps. Be honest. A legal pad is your best friend here. Just put your head down and admit your shortcomings, your weaknesses, your mistakes. Use numbers. Remember: Don't sell it. Just tell it. You will never be sorry you did, not five days later, or five years. Don't ask for forgiveness. This is an assertion, too, not an apology. If you're lucky, she'll be inspired to do the same. And the two of you will undo years of horseshit and prevarication because she's embarrassed she slept with her stepbrother when she was nineteen, or you didn't want to admit that the strap-on thing really does interest you.

Save your best stuff if you must, leave blank lines, whatever. But understand that if you are not willing to open up in this way, at least in some fashion, then you probably aren't in love. You might be worrying that telling her you still like YouPorn — Just once a week or so! And real people! Real women! Never the ones with porn stars! — will screw the pooch with her, then you're probably still worrying more about getting laid than falling in love.

10. Just show up.

And tell her something. Deliver the message in person. Avoid texting, cellphones, e-mails. Walk to your car, drive across the city, find a parking spot, go into her office, suffer the niceties and small talk of her inane office workers, greet her, pull her to the side and tell her that you were thinking about how much you love the way she looks in her underwear. She'll know what you did to get there, that it meant something to you. She'll understand the geography you crossed to get to this point and apprehend the pure outlines of your desire. You can also tell her you love her this way. But personally, I'd wait on that.

April Showers...

2010-04-24T21:21:00.000-05:00

make me lazy. It's been raining pretty heavily this weekend in west Tennessee. It's one of those things where every storm is going to create a tornado, sweeping every human-being into the atmosphere, swirling us around, and throwing us straight to the ground causing blunt force trauma, killing us all. You know, those storms that have the weather men interrupting everything, including commercials, just to show you the red spot on the screen that is five counties away from where you are staying.

Anyway, we ended up having a few loud thunderstorms and some pretty large hail. Other than that, no tornadoes or severe damage. I slept all night during the storms and have been lazy all day because it's still raining off and on. This is how I am spending my Saturday night:

I just LOVE this movie. I think it's Reese's hair that draws me in everytime. It's mesmerizing, a cut that I have dreamed of having since the movie was released. My hair is extremely thin however, and I just don't think it will look the same. But wow, THAT HAIR. Oh, and Josh Lucas- don't worry- I didn't forget about him. ;). He's yummy!

Anyway, I needed this relaxation time. If only this headache will disappear! So happy for the April showers...

"Nevermore" Quoth the Raven...

2010-04-23T16:54:00.003-05:00

"Nevermore" will I have my old layout. I have moved on to pretty ravens and flowers! Hopefully you can read it better on your cell phone now. You know, since I have some many mobile readers.

Anyone want to create a cool Masthead for me??!!

Love Quote

2010-04-23T15:23:00.001-05:00

I'm not a very emotional person, or at least I didn't used to be. Now, I am emotional, but still not as emotional as many other 28-year-old single women. HA! I was watching snippets of Juno and caught this quote. It basically sums up my whole philosophy on love. AND I MEAN IT, this explains it all.

From Juno's Dad, Mac MacGuff to Juno:

"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with."

"SassyPants"

2010-04-23T15:08:00.004-05:00

And y'all thought I was just kidding when I named my blog SassyMcSmartyPants. Today, when I was cleaning out my email inbox, I came across this blog that a former co-worker wrote for the women's blog of our local paper. And surprise, surprise- THE BLOG IS ABOUT ME.

Click here to read the blog (and look at my Mrs. Clause cheeks)!
(notice the title of the entry- SassyPants. That is seriously what my former co-workers called me. So now you know how this blog title originated!)

I miss that job, more than I could ever admit, but I am glad I am where I am. I've been through some rough patches in the middle, but I am so happy that I had the opportunity to work for that company. I mean if it wasn't for my old job, I wouldn't have this freaking awesome blog! Right?

I am now EMPLOYED!

2010-04-12T12:55:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't know, I am now employed. I've been working for two weeks at an area agency serving as an Account Supervisor for a pretty prestigious client. But, this blog is not about my professional life, so that's all I will say for now.

Other than trying to adjust to a new job with new responsibilities, I haven't been up to much. However, I have lots to write about, so it's about time that I get back on this blogging bandwagon.

Coming up in the next few weeks, you can expect blogs about:

1. The tiger lady
2. My golfing experience
3. Wine Wednesday
4. My first fishing experience this spring
5. The car fiasco
6. Recent food experiences

Stay tuned...

It's the small things...

2010-02-15T15:43:00.000-06:00

So last time I updated my blog, I was recently laid off. Well now, it's been exactly one month and one day and I am more happy than I have been in years. All the stress of my former job has worn off and I am so relieved to now have the chance to find a job I am passionate about.

The job hunt is tough, but it's been a blessing so far. I have learned who my support system consists of and who really has my best interest at heart. My family, friends and bf have been really great through this whole process. But one of the best things about being unemployed this winter is the permanent snow days.

It has now snowed for the last three weekends, sometimes for days at a time. Last weekend, we had a surprise snow storm on Sunday night and everything was closed on Monday! So, SNOW DAY!

The bf took the day off so we could hang out and PLAY.

Meet Burt.
Our first snowman. He's like 6 feet tall.

Burt and I. He's as tall as the fence!

My two main squeezes.

The one in the blue is much cuter though ;).

Happy Winter Snow Days Everyone!

2010- A Year of Starting Over...

2010-01-15T13:58:00.002-06:00

I've had a pretty tough week, but strangely, it's been filled with joy. I am no longer employed and have become a victim of company layoffs much like the other 10% of Americans. But I think I am okay with it. I've realized that I am blessed beyond measure and I will be alright in the end. Thanks to all my family and friends who have been a tremendous support group for me. I love and appreciate all of you.

Unfortunately, while I am on the job hunt, I will not be updating my blog, and I am hoping to close it so that future employers won't find any juicy goodness on me. But I'll be up and running sometime soon. You can count on it!

Adios my friends and wish me luck!

I APOLOGIZE and I'm not MIA

2010-01-07T10:29:00.003-06:00

My dog ate my blog, my keyboard sucks, my fingers are broken, my boyfriend was sick and my neighbor disconnected her wireless router. Those are my excuses for not blogging for more than a month. Actually, the last two excuses are true, but I have no reason to use them.

I haven't been blogging because it is so hard for me to get the dang Internet during my free time. I can get it at work, but I never have enough time to blog at work. My neighbor, who lives on a month-to-month budget has had to disconnect her wireless again, which means I can no longer steal it from her when I am home (our house is unable to host wireless because we are part of some weird black hole). BF's wireless router HATES my computer, so the library is like the only option I have right now. GRRRR. Therefore, I've just decided to avoid blogging for a little while.

BUT, luckily, for you guys at least, I have made plenty of New Years Resolutions. They include: applying my make-up BEFORE I get to work , fitting into a bikini before May (which won't happen, but it's fun to think about), looking hot for my ten-year HS reunion (full body makeover), changing my facebook photo at least once a month and believe it or not, updating my blog once a week (I feel the once a week thing is lenient enough considering my current Internet predicament.) And because I have so many resolutions, I feel like one of them will stick. Hopefully, the blogging resolution + 1.

So friends, Happy New Year! And happy reading!

(I have lots of photos and stories to tell from my long blogging break, so hopefully, I'll find a way to post them soon!)

Just as Disturbing as the Rape Van

2009-11-05T12:42:00.011-06:00

Last week, I cooked with tubed meat. I feel the same about sex offenders and rape vans (the big long E-class utility vans Ford used to make, you know the ones with no windows) as I do about tubed meat. They're all just REALLY CREEPY!

Yes, this is the same meat that E. Coli is usually found in (when and if there are outbreaks). It's the tubed meat that hamburger patties are made of and according to the New York Times, most of the larger companies that produce hamburger meat use the same process. Most of these companies combine a "mix of slaughterhouse trimmings and mash-like product derived from scraps that were ground together at a plant."

The trimmings can come from slaughterhouses around the world and then are folded together to make one ground meat product. In one scenario that the New York Times wrote about in October, the meat in one package came from trimmings in plants in Nebraska, Texas, Uruguay (yeah, SOUTH AMERICA) and South Dakota. It was then shipped to Wisconsin and ground to into a hamburger meat package. See article here. (E. Coli Path Shows Flaws in Beef Inspection)

This would be one of the MANY reasons that I think tubed hamburger meat is nasty/creepy. Plus, it just looks like a cylinder of meat, squeezed straight from the intestine of a cow. EW. And who wants to consume food that comes in the shape of it's packaging, grooves and all.

Anyway, last week I went to Kroger and they didn't have any of the Angus ground chuck that I usually buy. You know, the kind that comes on the black foam plate wrapped all fancy with the Angus sticker on top. Yeah, I pay all the extra money to get the fancy kind :). Not only did they not have any Angus beef, I then realized that they didn't have ANY ground chuck at all except for the TUBED kind. UGH.

So reluctantly, I bought it and was really paranoid that the cashier lady would make fun of me for buying cylinder meat or give me a lecture on the dangers of tubed meat and E Coli. But that didn't happen, Thank God.

I ended up using the meat in my taco soup. The soup was pretty tasty and yes, of course, the meat didn't taste any different. But I still couldn't get past the thought that I was consuming something like round cow intestines.

Needless to say, I will still steer clear of the tubed (rap-van-creepy) hamburger meat. But for all you people who eat it on a regular basis, you won't get any more judgement from me. It's not all that different from what I usually eat. It's just the whole, how do you NOT judge a book by it's cover?!

It's all in the packaging folks!
-spoken like a true marketing girl :)

All Hallows Eve

2009-11-05T12:09:00.010-06:00

So this year, as I did last year, I had to change my Halloween costume plans at the last minute. I thought at first that I was going to be a hot Marilyn Monroe for Halloween. Well when I got the dress, it was too big. Therefore, on the day of Halloween, I decided to go get another costume. Evidently everyone in the city of Memphis decided the same thing. So we were all trying on costumes together. Needless to say, I got really frustrated and almost dumped the bf over the phone (he was only trying to help me out) because I was too stressed and ticked that I didn't have a costume and couldn't find one that fit. "I mean, is Halloween really this important! I am sooo not going with a damn costume. I don't care. I HATE THE WORLD!"

Anyway, at my last stop on the Halloween-store-tour-of-Memphis, I found a costume that would suffice for the evening. It was a sultry sailor. The bf's friends called me a SEAMAN instead, get it?!

Weren't we cute? (Stop trying to look down my dress!)

Serious Face. (You can see more of our costumes in this one.)

GQ pose. Did I mention that I have the sexiest (and best) boyfriend ever?!

The Best Night...

2009-10-20T10:44:00.002-05:00

I had the BEST NIGHT last night! I am sitting at work right now and am bogged down with LOADS of work but all I can think about is how much I enjoyed last night. And believe it or not, I am trucking through most of my work in a pleasant mood. I came to work today with a purpose and determination!!

Today I am refreshed. I've been wanting and waiting to fill this way for awhile. Last night after work, instead of working out (like I should have done), I went to the grocery store to grab an ingredient or two and went home and cooked. I put together a pot of Taco Soup, one of my favorite fall/winter recipes. As the soup simmered, I enjoyed some wine, watched my favorite t.v. shows and blogged. AND IT WAS SO RELAXING. It was a "me" night. I enjoyed myself without feeling like I had to entertain anyone or to be entertained.

Then as I went to bed, I played on my phone for a little bit and read. It was the perfect night and I am so glad that I made the decision that I did "to just be lazy" on my couch by myself. Laziness can do a body good. That's my story and I am sticking to it.

My Rock Star Boyfriend

2009-10-19T13:12:00.016-05:00

My first day in fourth grade, there was this girl with LONG brown hair, some crazy braces (or a retainer, my memory is a little fuzzy) and a crazy neon woven sweater who befriended me. She was my first friend I ever had in Memphis. We ended up being pretty tight friends through elementary school because we played church sports together (she was really good and I sucked). Late in middle school and maybe our first two years of high-school, we kinda drifted apart and did our own thing. Then we became really tight again during our junior and senior year. We ended up going to different colleges though but hung out whenever we could.

One of our last years in college, she introduced me to my future rock star boyfriend. "His name is Will Hoge and he is hot." That is pretty much all I can ever say about him when I'm asked. He is a bluesy, grassroots rocker who is the epitome of a soul singer. You can't help but like him. His talent seeps through his Goodwill wardrobe and his shaggy brown hair makes his performances worthwhile. Every time he opens his mouth and I hear his raspy voice, it's just mesmerizing. Visit his website: http://www.willhoge.com/

Anyway, Kim came in town this weekend and took me to the Will Hoge concert. It was sooo fun and just like the old days. At first we were sitting toward the back of the bar, but then we couldn't help but to wonder up to the front row. We'll, here's the real reason why!

This rather large girl stood in the VERY MIDDLE of the floor for both sets. Her and her boyfriend were literally the only ones standing in the whole bar for like an hour and a half. They blocked the view of two rows of tables and when they were asked to move, she copped a HUGE attitude. So guess what mean girl, payback is a YOU KNOW WHAT!! Here's your unattractive booty (the best view I had of my RSBF for AWHILE) on the internets. (We also got a fantastic free showing of "grab ass." Her BF couldn't keep his hands off her, especially her bum. That was good for her I guess. But wasn't for the rest of us!)

Anyway, back to my rock star boyfriend. So Will came to visit Kim and I to have a little Saturday evening rendezvous in a local area bar. I was SUPER excited when I got my picture taken with him on stage.

See, he's totally posing with me. And at some point, he decided to serenade Kim and I with one of our favorite songs, Lover Tonight. FYI, he told me he was thinking of me when he closed his eyes.

My roommates eventually decided to come see Will too. They hadn't met him yet and I needed their approval. They ended up liking him!!!! and having a great time. (Can you tell? Just like a Stephany, "double fisting" on a Saturday night).

Then, since Will just couldn't get enough of us, he begged Kim and I for a picture. He said he misses us while he is gone (most of the year), and that he wanted something to remember us by. Oh, AND to hang over his bed.

Gosh, I can't wait until our next late-night rendezvous. He's HOTT and he loves me ;)!

A Beautiful Fall...

2009-10-19T12:51:00.020-05:00

Two weeks ago, I went camping in East Tennessee around the Smokey Mountains, one of my favorite places in the world. It takes FOR FREAKING EVER to get there, but I guess it's worth it in the end.

I visited this place called Grandfather Mountain (it's actually in North Carolina). Yeah, the name didn't make sense to me either, but they call it that because it supposedly looks like the shape of an old man's face.

This is the way I see it... The old mans forehead/nose is to the far right. His mouth is in the middle and chin is to the far left. That may be wrong, but it's not important, you get the point.

Anyway, my friend LOVES it up there and wanted to take me, so I finally said "yes" after many years of her asking. This is what that mountain looks like in the fall!

I doesn't look much different than any other place in East Tennessee during the fall. So now you get the picture of why I love the region. Here are a few more...

Here is a picture of the summit of grandfather mountain.

And here is a photo of me standing at 5,280 feet (above sea level) on the mile high swinging bridge. Yeah, I'm holding on with both hands cause that shit was SCARY!

This is a photo of the little kid that was braver than me (yeah, he's standing on one of the highest points on the mountain, with lots of parental supervision of course). Isn't he just adorable!

I'm pathetic, such a scardy cat :)!

Grandfather Mountain was fun and I had a great experience. I won't be going up there again, once was enough, but it was well worth the elevated blood pressure.

I Got A Confession To Make

2009-10-02T09:27:00.014-05:00

So I was talking to one of my dear friends yesterday about how we as maturing young ladies have taken up reading Southern Living, Better Homes and Gardens, At Home magazine, Women's Health, etc. We are also making up recipes and learning how to bake/cook. Neither of us are Julia Childs by any means. According to her, she "can throw an amazing party, but dinner is rarely the excuse". HA!!

Anyway, yesterday, my friend sent me an instant message, seemingly in a panic. She was saying how she was really torn about deciding need versus want. I'm thinking she is talking about something serious like buying a new car, deciding whether to find a new job/city to live in, adopting a puppy, or running a half marathon. So I respond thinking I will be the "friendly advice giver" (we've been doing this a lot lately between the two of us, trading the advice "hat").

I asked her about what's going on and wondered how I could help. This is what she said. "I really want to buy this adorable pumpkin pan so I can make these adorable pumpkin cakes!" And I'm all, "What? What are you talking about?" She said, "Need versus want is killing me today and I really keep telling myself that this (pumpkin cake pan) is a want, not a need."

HA! Is she serious??? She is having this inward debate about a CAKE PAN?! It's probably only like $15 and they are cute lil pumpkins (!), big deal, get the pan. But then I realized where she is coming from with this debate. We are both single (not technically, but legally) young professionals living on a budget. Our budgets are tight and we usually already have plans for our "spending money." So, deciding need versus want is definitely a priority, especially when deciding on non-necessities like cake pans.

(Click here for a link to her blog and the photo of the COMPLETELY ADORABLE pumpkin cakes. I want one SOOOO bad.)

The best part of this whole ordeal was that my friend knew that her inward dialogue regarding the Betty Crocker pumpkin cakes was laughable. "This is so bad that I am even having this temptation," she said. "It's like I'm suffering from Domestic Temptation."

DING DING DING!! Ladies and Gentleman, my friend has finally solved all problems of pre-menopause, single, independent, hormonal women out there. Domestic Temptation?! Who knew of such a difficult, painful, sinful, stressful illness that creeps up on single women at the tender age of 27!

Hello, I'm SassyMcSmartyPants and I suffer from Domestic Temptation!!

This explains why I have started exercising more (probably because if I ever get married, I want to look hot when I'm having sex all day in my domesticated house). I have also taken to doing the dishes and I actually like it. I find myself roaming through the bed, bath and kitchen section at Macy's on occasion looking at the different patterns of the fancy napkin rings. I even considered registering one day just for the heck of it (but you usually have to be getting married to do that). Then I decided, "I don't know if I am willing to swap eternity with the same person for the novelty of registering for china... just yet."

Domestic Temptation has hit me hard. I'd rather sit at home on Friday nights instead of go out. I'd rather have grilled shrimp at home than go to Bonefish Grill. I mean even last weekend I helped the BF hang picture frames and he was asking me where I liked them. Am I that transparent??!! Is it radiating off of me?

Ugh, enough is enough. I am SINGLE and 27! I WILL NOT be tempted by domestication. I will not be tempted to sew. I will not be tempted to paint. I will not be tempted to buy a table so I can make this (see below) because it's so cute and Halloweeny. I WILL NOT!

Is there a twelve step program??

UPDATE: Friend just sent me an IM that said: "True story, I just went to Michael's to find the pumpkin pan. They don't have them. God is saving me money!" Ha! I love my friends.

Catching Up...

2009-09-28T12:13:00.005-05:00

So you guys aren't any help! If you don't help me figure out a way to minimize the file size of my photos, well, I guess you won't get to see them. Your loss.

AND, you won't be able to read the exhilarating story of my Labor Day trip to the mountains, the Ocoee River, the log cabin and then finally, the Jack Daniels Distillery. It was a pretty amazing trip except for three little snags, but I won't ever tell you about those :).

So since Labor Day, I've been busy, but not really. I've been busy with boring stuff, mostly work or board stuff, and then when I'm not at work, I'm usually relaxin' with the bf.

Update #1:

Let's start with the fact that my Vols are pretty much a failure this fall and it looks like there is no bright light in our near future. We have a SENIOR quarterback who I think is unqualified to play in Division 1 collegiate football against any team. But, our new coach refuses to play our junior back-up to see what he can do. (The junior) Nick Stephens' game has to be equal, if not better than Jonathan Crompton's (the senior starter) and Stephens has pretty terrible stats, 130 attempts for 63 completions in collegiate ball. But, I think he has only played like 6 games ever. He needs more stats! So, I say we give the kid another shot because our starter isn't doing anything on the field except for shitting his pants every time a linebacker sacks him (only half-way joking ;). But, since Kiffin obviously isn't going to bench Crompton, I am now praying for an alien abduction. (I've never really believed in aliens until now, but I feel like if I believe, they will deliver. I mean God does, right?! hehe.)

I am going the Mem v. UT game on November 7 and if Kiffin continues to play Crompton, the UT/UM game is sure to be the most thrilling game of the season. Two equally skilled teams battling it out... Can't Wait!!

Update #2:

My old two-way flippie phone has finally bit the dust. Two years ago, I signed on with Verizon Wireless in order to get the phone, which was pretty high-tech for a non-PDA phone back then. It flipped two ways, had V-cast music player, Internet capabilities and a two-way typing/touch pad, among it's other amenities. Photo below...

The photo shows all the different ways that it could flip open and close. Well, after I had it a year, I had to get a replacement cause it was burning up and not holding a charge. Now, the refurbished phone won't allow outgoing audio to be processed. So, you can talk to me all day, but I can't talk to you, unless I am on speaker phone (yeah, I know, so weird!).

So I just finally ditched that phone and since I had been wanting to switch to AT&T for awhile, I just bit the bullet and did it. So now, I have one of these suckers:

And oh man, are they addictive. Having this phone makes my texting problem on my other phone look sinless and appropriate. THIS PHONE IS AMAZING. I can do everything, EVERYTHING, I tell you. I really doubt that any other cellphone manufacturer will be able to catch up with Apple in two-years, it seems impossible. I mean you can give the iPhone commands by shaking it, WTF?! Who else can do that?????!!

Anyway, the bf has been wanting to get an iPhone for like a year now and I always tell him to wait for his upgrade, that the iPhone isn't that big of a deal and that he already has a phone that is like thebomb.com! But, alas, I got him back for that AT&T store fiasco. Did I wait on him to get an iphone, NOPE!!! I got the it eight days before him. MUHAHAHAHA!!!! (Take that!)

Needless to say, I'm in the dog house and enjoying every single bit of it :). This phone is incredible.

Update #3

Halloween is a month away and I have already decided what/who I want to be for my costume! I will be the iconic Marilyn Monroe. Ew la la, I know. So now I just need some place to go. Anyone gonna invite me to their party?

Technically Challenged

2009-09-14T15:19:00.003-05:00

I will get around to blogging about my labor day when I get around to figuring out how to reduce the size of my photos. I don't want to bombard my blog with large photos so that it won't download.

So if you have any pointers, let me know, please.

THANKS!

25 Things...

2009-09-03T12:16:00.004-05:00

Everyone on Facebook has done the 25 Random Things survey. Well, now, I am doing it on here. I have come up with 25 totally different random things for my blog. Enjoy...

1. I have been run over by a car before… by my own family member
2. I also almost drown from tubing on the back of a sail boat when I was a kid (yeah, I know. They don’t go very fast). Long story short, the raft I was on popped. I went flying in the air and got trapped under a it. It was so large I couldn’t find my way out while I was under water. So I almost suffocated and drowned.
3. On a canoeing trip a girl named Katie and I got trapped under our canoe on a big rapid and couldn’t get out. My foot got stuck under a rock so I couldn’t really swim to the surface . I thought we were gonna die. We didn’t though, Thank God!! One of the guys we were with came to our rescue.
4. I only like to write in colors. Black and blue ink bores me. Fine Point Sharpies are where it is at!
5. I can’t wear pantie hose for more than one day without ripping them pretty severely.
6. I can’t stand a messy desk. But I'm a little messy in general.
7. I constantly have dreams that I am pregnant or that my teeth are falling out.
8. The only debt I currently have is my car payment. That’s pretty impressive for this day and age, I think.
9. My neck is what I call my siren zone. DO NOT TOUCH it or I will go CRAZY.
10. Or just don’t touch me period. I hate people touching me.
11. I think doing arts and crafts is the biggest stress reliever.
12. I’m a movie kinda gal. I would rather sit at home and watch a movie than go out a party nowadays.
13. My “golden birthday” (you know when you turn the same age as your birth date) was spent in the dark and freezing cold with no electricity during the Ice Storm of ’94.
14. For my 30th birthday I wanna go on an African Safari.
15. I am an Entertainment Gossip junky. Big time. Probably spend like an hour each day reading that stuff. I can tell you anything and everything you wanna know…
16. I am STILL scared of the dark. Being outside alone in the dark really creeps me out.
17. I’d rather NOT go to the beach. It’s beautiful but it’s way over-rated. When I think of the beach, I think of a skin show. Not my deal.
18. When I was a freshman in college, I didn’t poop for three weeks due to a side effect of one of my meds.
19. Sophomore year, at the beach (go figure), I died my best friend’s hair orange. It still had an orange tint until she got married.
20. I took Ritalin/ Adderall for 8 years of my life. If you think I’m a bitch normally, just wait ‘til you encounter me when I’m on the pill. My roommate had to ask me to stop taking it.
21. I am 27 and already serve on a Board of Directors for a charity in the Memphis area.
22. My hair is naturally dirty blond but I have to die my arm hairs the same color. They are dark brown naturally. EWE!!
23. I believe that Diet Coke is the nectar of the Gods.
24. I also believe that I am the real version of Bridget Jones.
25. The top thing on my bucket list of Things I'd Like to Do Before I Die is to dye my eye lashes black. Then I'd still have beautiful eyes after swimming, showering and exercising. ;)

Pretty Red Balls

2009-08-26T09:58:00.006-05:00

For all you golfers, I have been told that it would be really easy to find your balls on a golf course, if they were red. Putt Putt has lots of them, FOR FREE. You just gotta be sneaky about it :)!!

But really, I made three hole-in-ones at Putt Putt on Sunday and actually hit the ball- it went 84 yards- at the driving range. Watch out Tiger! You can just call me Y.E. Yang... thanks to my awesome teacher.

I was practically begged

2009-08-25T12:22:00.004-05:00

to write a post on my experience last night. :)

Yesterday was just a bad day. My co-worker called in sick and at 2:00 p.m. I was asked to pick up the slack and prepare for a meeting both of us were attending first thing this morning. It took me longer than the three hours I had left before end of business to get it done. Which ate into my work out time. (I have started working out at least 3 days, sometimes 4 days a week.)

Then, when I went downstairs, I realized I didn't have my code key to get through the three security doors that allow you into the health club (it's free and inside my office building). So, that meant no gym time for me. But, the weather was amazing yesterday so I just decided to take one of my walks instead... approx. 3 miles.

I was a at a good pace on the home stretch, working my arms and legs (I found my walking weights recently) and was singing along to J-Hud on my ipod. I was feeling good and was passing this old lady I saw earlier. I decided, since she was using the sidewalk, that I would walk in the street so that she wouldn't have to alter her trek (I'm just polite like that). So I'm walking around the parked car near the sidewalk and hear a HUGE BANG, like someone had just gotten into an accident. I look around to see what it was and everyone (out walking their dogs, etc.), including the old lady, was looking at me. Come to find out, I ran smack into the car. It was the bumper actually. The car's bumper was damaged and had been hanging off when it snagged my leg causing the huge thud.

I seriously had run into the car and not even realized it!!! Then, to make matters worse, I think I messed up the bumper even more after it kidnapped my leg. Now I have two scratches and a big knot THAT HURTS!!

Street car (not named desire)=1, SassyMcSmartyPants= 0.

Boost of Self-Esteem Ladies?!

2009-08-24T10:44:00.017-05:00

Ever since Grey's Anatomy made it's debut on ABC- four years ago- I have been hooked. I watch it every Thursday and if I miss it, I ask "a certain someone" to download it for me. LOVE LOVE LOVE that show!!

I also read the entertainment news every day. It's just something I do (It may be an addiction, who knows, but its a harmless one though). Last year sometime, there started to be some rumblings, especially on Perez and TMZ, that George (T.R. Knight) and Izzy (Katherine Heigl) wanted off of Grey's. This made me mad, at the time, because I felt like they weren't grateful for the chance they had been given by the show. Grey's Anatomy instantly rocketed them to stardom, especially Heigl. After appearing on Grey's, she won an Emmy and her movie career took off. She then landed three VERY SUCCESSFUL films, Knocked Up, 27 Dresses and The Ugly Truth.

She's a hottie. The epitome of a picture-perfect woman. By looking at her, you'd think she was kind, polite, fun-loving, the girl-next-door type.

But according to all sources Hollywood, she has one of the worst attitudes in the biz. She's described as being a snot, a diva. She's an opinionated loudmouth (much like myself :)) and is very temperamental. She also knocks almost every hand that feeds her. She bashed Knocked Up calling it "sexist." She also complained to David Letterman (hoping to embarrass the network) that Grey's Anatomy made her work a full 17-hour work day for one episode, calling them "cruel and mean." (Sounds AWFUL considering she is the fifth highest-paid actress in Hollywood and made more than $200,000 per episode last year!!! In reality, many people work 17 hours every single day and get paid 1/10th PER YEAR of what that lady makes in an episode! Just sayin...)

Anyway, Vanity Fair calls her assertive and impatient and almost paints the picture of a young Anna Wintour. Basically, she sucks and men (and women) still swoon over her.

Well guess what ladies?! In real life she looks nothing like the painted doll her PR peeps have created, nope, she looks like this!

Suck it Katherine Heigl! I look better than you with no makeup. HA!!!

And the survey says...

2009-08-21T10:47:00.007-05:00

The survey says that I am wrong. I AM WRONG. Did you hear that?? I am obviously and blatantly wrong. My answer would have been A, and only A. I would have answered A because when I was growing up, my parents taught me to be considerate of others, respect my elders, treat others as I would like to be treated, brush my teeth before bed, do what I am asked to do and "finish the job."

By following the "be considerate of others" and "treat others the way you would like to be treated" principles that my parents taught me, I would have waited. I probably would have even waited in 90 degree weather in the parking lot on a hot day. If a friend had asked me to meet them (and I was twenty minutes early), I would have waited on them before going in. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. End of story. I would have waited...

Obviously, the principles that my parents taught me almost two and a half decades ago do not apply to today's society, to today's hustle and bustle. Most everyone surveyed agreed that since they were early, they would go ahead, go inside and take care of their business. (Only thinking about themselves and what they have to do because it all comes down to not wasting any time by waiting. OMG, that word!!! That wretched horrible word called "wait.")

I just want to explain my perspective (and if you don't care, stop reading). For those of you who chose C and D, this is how I interpret your point of view. (I am probably wrong about this too, but this is just how the wheels are spinning in my head.)

Choosing C and/or D basically says to me (using a different situation) that this would happen.

... if you were going to meet your friend or significant other at the local grocery store to pick up food items for your dinner together- and you were early- you would go in, fill up your cart with whatever you wanted to eat (not recognizing their meal choices), do some extra browsing to waste a little more time and check out. Then you may or may not meet the other person, after you've checked out, in the inside lobby. You may actually meet for them outside in the parking lot. There really is no difference to me (that being outside= C and being inside= D). But the point of the matter is that you would have gone in, taken care of your business, and then basically left the grocery store to meet the other person after everything was said and done...

I think this form of thinking is rude and inconsiderate of others. If you told them you would meet them so that you could do something together, just wait to meet them before embarking on the activity. That's my train of thought, but that's not what people think nowadays based on the survey. And obviously, this behavior (C and D) is expected from society. I just must be living in a cave somewhere.

If the "said person" was a gentleman to me, he would have waited in my opinion. But, I guess it's too much for me to expect since society doesn't.

I WAS WRONG!!!!! There you have it.

First Poll Ever...

2009-08-20T15:07:00.009-05:00

I am suprised I haven't taken a poll or survey yet on my blog. I am very much a survey person. Oh, and a countdown person. Countdowns are awesome.

Surveys REQUIRE responses, though, so that they can be measured. Therefore, if you are reading this blog post, you MUST MUST MUST respond (via the comment section). Those are the rules.

So, I recently had a debate with someone (who I won't mention) about what it means to meet someone somewhere. Here is the hypothetical situation:

Someone I know is looking to purchase an iphone because they will soon receive an upgrade from AT&T. They had made plans to go to the AT&T store on a Monday. I told this person that I was thinking about switching my service to AT&T soon and probably needed to look at their phones and plans. I thought it would be nice/fun if we went together. So I asked if that person would wait and go with me. Well, after much discussion, said person decided to wait and meet me there the next day.

Tuesday rolls around and we decide to meet up at the AT&T store at 7:00 p.m. The person I was meeting got there probably 20 minutes early (only because they estimated way too much travel time in order to get there). I was going to be on time, if not five to ten minutes early.

So the poll is this...
When you are meeting me at the AT&T store and have arrived 20 min. early, do you:
A) curtiously wait for me in the parking lot to go into the store together
B) wait for me inside the store (i will probably have to look around the store to find you)
C) go inside the store, talk to the customer service agent, take care of your business and leave before you meet me in the parking lot. This making the whole trip to AT&T together pointless...

D) go inside the store, talk to the customer service agent, take care of your business and wait for me (said person likes this option better. to me, it's the same as C).

I would LOVE to know your responses. I know what I would have done in the situation, but I want to know, if you were meeting me and had arrived REALLY EARLY, what would you have done in the situtation?

Comment below...
I will follow up later with the rest of the story.

Neese-E-Poo

2009-08-13T22:15:00.014-05:00

My cousin, my sweet little cousin who has grown up into a beautiful young lady, is going off to college in exactly two weeks. She initially had plans to room with her "best friend," but at the last minute the girl pulled out of their agreement. My cousin will now be rooming with a "pot luck" roommate. This story is very much like what happened to me when I went off to college...

All my life I have been a VOLS fan. (What can I say, my father had a huge influence on me when I was growing up.) I thought, for college, it was only natural that I attended The University of Tennessee, Knoxville. I mean, hello, the greatest quarterback of all time attended the same school less than half a decade before I applied. (That would be Peyton Manning for all you non-football folk. ;) Anyway, when I went to freshman orientation in Big Orange Country, I was told that I WOULD NOT be rooming with my high school bestie. I was devastated. I got back home from orientation and practically withdrew from UT and committed to attend our local college instead.

Then one day I got this call from some girl with a Knoxville area code. I picked up the phone and could hardly understand her. She proceeded to have some sort of conversation with me which I could not comprehend, I only picked up that she was going to be my college roommate. I promptly hung up the phone and ran downstairs to my mom, crying like a baby, wailing because I couldn't understand a word this girl had said (she had a ridiculously strong East Tennessee accent) and i SWORE that she wore torn overalls, owned not a single pair of shoes and had buck teeth!! Oh, the horror! My college life was going to be a twisted tale of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre except the substitute for Leatherface was the female version of Jed Clampett in Tennessee. She was going to chop me up and then eat me!! Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh! I was going to die!!!

Needless to say, she pretty much hated me too. Here is what she had to say:

"If you could pick two people more different (personality wise) and put them in the room together, it would be [SassyMcSmartyPants] and me. She and I were pot-luck roommates our freshman year at UT. I went into the arrangement knowing I was going to be living with a stranger. She, on the other hand had been hoping to live with her best friend. Well, she was very upset that it didn't work out and had to live with me. She assumed I was going to be some hillbilly that didn't wear shoes. To set the record straight, it isn't like [SassyMcSmartyPants] is from Manhattan. She is from around Memphis and lived in the same state as me. I still thought she was going to be stuck up and rude though. Because that is how all rich people in Germantown are."

And there you have it. She loathed me. The first day I walked into the dorm, I walked into a Rugrat sanctuary (what can I say, she liked the cartoon). I thought to myself, okay, so she really is a sociopath. (I think my mom agreed.) And I was afraid to let my parents leave me there in that room (she wasn't there the weekend I moved in) and drive back home to Memphis.

So, for two days I stayed in my room just wondering what she was going to be like. I saw photos of her on our wall and she looked the picture of perfection. But, with all the cartoon whatnot, I was sure something was wrong.

The day I met her, she ran in and gave me a hug! A HUG! I hated hugs, but it was such a warm and endearing hug. We got to know each other for a little bit and then just stared at each other for A LOOOOOONNNNNGGGG time.

As the days and weeks went on, Denise and I started to actually like each other. She was pretty calm and stuck to a routine schedule of studying. She already had a steady boyfriend and went home on weekends, but the occasional time she wasn't studying, at home or with her boyfriend, we would hang out. She was smart, funny and was just genuinely nice. We bonded over things we had in common like our upbringing, our faith and how innocent we both were. We had never had sex, never smoked, never drank, always obeyed our parents for the most part, and never really partied in high school. We later came to find out that we were the most innocent girls on our floor- and boy- were our eyes opened that year. It was a year I would not trade for the world.

Her point of view on our relationship:

"I was a perfectionist. And, well, [SassyMcSmartyPants] was not. Her motto in college was, "D is for degree." I thought this was blasphemy. She used to storm into the dorm room and yell, "Are you studying again?" But as the weeks went by, we rubbed off on each other. I didn't stress as much. She studied more (a little more). I credit [her] with saving me that semester and semesters to come. She taught me to relax, have fun, and that worrying will do no good."

I credit Denise with saving me as well. She helped me in Astronomy and basically passed Algebra for me. We were in the same algebra class (unbeknownst to either of us before class started that semester) and she ended up sitting behind me. Math just wasn't my deal and I HATED that class. The teacher called on me a lot (probably because I read the school newspaper throughout her entire class) and almost as soon as the teacher called my name, Denise's hand would shoot into the air. I think she felt sorry for me because she knew I couldn't solve for "C"
(A+ B = C).

I met one of my best friends that year. In the coming years, her family became my family. They housed me on holidays that I didn't go home (Easter, Labor Day, etc.) and her mom became the mom I didn't have around through my college years. She would cook my favorites for me (and her family of course) and always took an interest in what was going on with me. She even came to our dorm one day when I was having a bad day to give me a hug. (Isn't that awesome!!)

Denise's whole family and extended family are still like family to me to this day. The town they live in is one of my all time favorite places in the world. Since college, I have visited quite a few times just so I can drive fast on the curvy roads (kidding). I even made a special trip to have Thanksgiving with them last year because I missed them so much.

The point of this piece though is that God can do amazing things through relationships. Little did I know, nine years ago, that God (not the university) would put me in contact with a woman and family that would change my life.

My deepest wish is that the same happens for my cousin. She is a terrific girl and has the world at her feet. Hopefully, with her roommate at her side, AK will experience the best of college life, but more importantly, will have an awesome first year.

(me and Denise)

DISCLAIMER:
From time- to-time I may write a mushy blog like this one so GET OVER IT!! :)

OOPs!

2009-08-13T19:31:00.007-05:00

So that boy that I talk about on here, he found my blog today via Google. He has always known that I have a blog, I have just never told him the Blogspot address because I didn't think he would like reading about himself on the world wide web. Hehe.

And OOPs! He found it and read it. This afternoon, I got a gchat message saying "So, I'm a hot, rugged-wilderness man?" And that's when I almost fell out of my chair. How did he know I called him that? Who told him? What's going on?!!!

Little did I know, he somewhat listened to me ONE TIME when I said my blog name really really fast. I found out this afternoon that when you google "sassy ass smarty pants," I pop right up. Damn. That boy has always been a genius when it comes to technology and research, but I never thought he would research my blog. And then he found it in Japenese/Chinese too!!

Guess my reign is over! I have been found out. Tomorrow, I'll probably get the lecture about how I should keep postings including him to a minimum (he's pretty private). Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.

22 DAYS!!

2009-08-13T13:11:00.013-05:00

There are 22 calendar days until I get to spend Labor Day with (a bunch of crazy boys) and my hot, rugged-wilderness man. I'm really excited for the trip because not only are we going whitewater rafting, but we are staying in the biggest, dopest (a cultural term meaning REALLY REALLY cool) cabin EVER.

At first it was my idea to invite my college friends and that didn't pan out well because of scheduling and lack of funds. So, the BF decided- pretty quickly- to invite all of his crazy friends to go instead. It is one guy's 28th bday, which means there will be many drinking festivities, I'm sure. Especially, drinking activities in the hot tub (it's only to be expected. But don't worry, if they drown, it's on them!). Anyway, it will probably be a weekend of debauchery, as I see it, for the boys. I'll just be there for my pretty face. HA! NOT!

If I didn't mention this earlier, the cabin is amazing. I know you wanna see pics, so here you go...

And not only do I get to sleep in the master suite WITH MY OWN PERSONAL FIREPLACE, I will have my own private balcony overlooking the rolling hills of North Georgia. Yep, I'll make my own weekend retreat, nice fire in the crisp mountain air while reading a novel on my PRIVATE BALCONY! Sorry, I just like saying that.

During the three-day weekend, we will go whitewater rafting (as I previously mentioned), hiking to waterfalls and possibly boating/jet skiing on a nearby lake. I only have one request though, I want to visit the nearby apple orchard for fresh-baked homemade apple pie. YUM!

Therefore, my countdown has begun. Starting tomorrow, only 21 more days!!!

P.S. For more photos, click here. (Notice the hot tub/fireplace combo!)

Little did I know...

2009-08-03T14:29:00.007-05:00

that if you leave your caution lights on for five hours, your car battery will die. So, if you are a professional idiot, like myself, and your car dies, make sure it dies near the Autozone Corporate Office Building when you have cute pumps on. Let me just say, initially my boss came to my rescue and tried to jump my battery, but they wouldn't let him. Autozone men like to do it their way!! THANK YOU AUTOZONE (and my heroic boss). Ember Ashley Adams is now up and running. My BF doesn't think it had anything to do with my cute pumps. I TOTALLY DISAGREE!

Which do you like better?

2009-08-01T18:50:00.003-05:00

... the pink background, that I have had for the last couple of weeks, or brown background with colorful type?

I am terrible at making decisions, and since you are the one who will be reading this, which would you rather look at?

Thanks for helping me out!

Those Damn Girl Scouts...

2009-07-29T08:41:00.017-05:00

I haven't had a blizzard in years. Probably since my wild and crazy days in college- Go Vols. From Memphis to Knoxville, there are approximately 3,529 Dairy Queens. And I have probably been to ALL of them at one point or another. It was usually our road break on the way to or from college. Having an ADD person in your car on a 6 hour drive becomes quite stressful for everyone involved. (HA!) That's when we would stop at DQ, so everyone could cool down a bit (pun intended).

Memphis hasn't had a Dairy Queen in years. We had a perfectly good one in Germantown when I was growing up but they closed it to put in, what else but, a Starbucks. This meaning the days of a Memphis DQ came to an end. (There was always a DQ in the mall, but who really even goes to that one?!)

So long story short, we have a new Dairy Queen in Memphis! I don't know if it is actually in the city of Memphis or in Collierville and I guess it doesn't matter. It's a really nice one though, a "grill" as they call it, which serves hot dogs, hamburgers, salads and even quesadillas (yeah i know, ice cream and Mexican, UGH). Anyway, ever since the new one has been built, they have been running Dairy Queen commercials on the local stations like the earth is coming to an end and everyone needs to stuff their faces with their last blizzard before the sky falls in and the earth floods.

This month's "Blizzard of the Month" is the "Tagalongs Peanut Butter Patties Blizzard Treat!" When I saw that commercial, I was fully prepared for the New Madrid Fault to split and I could already feel myself sinking to the middle of the earth. A GIRL SCOUT COOKIE BLIZZARD!! Either the earth WAS going to implode or Jesus is coming back. Two of the most sacred fattening treats in this world combined into one divine dessert. I HAD TO HAVE ONE!!

So I made plans. BIG PLANS. The DQ is approximately 35- 40 minutes away from my house so I wasn't going to go out there ONLY FOR ICE CREAM! (That would be a HUGE fat kid move.) So I talked my man into seeing a movie with me (my choice: HARRY POTTER) and then maybe we could have a cute ice cream date afterward. (We don't ever have cutesy dates, therefore, that is why this took a lot of planning). AND IT WORKED.

After the movie, we went to get ice cream (isn't that just SO CUTE!). We get up to the line, and I'm all excited and this is how it goes:

Cashier: Welcome to Dairy Queen! May I take your order.

Me: Yes you can! I'm so excited about this new DQ. It's so nice.

Cashier: Ummm. Hummm. Can I axe your order?

Me: Okay, yes. I would like the small Tagalong Blizzard please.

Cashier: Ump. You know ma'am, we outta dem.

Me: You're out of Blizzards?

Cashier: Nope. Ma'am we outta dem cookies.

Me: You're out of Tagalongs!!! WHAT?! But that's your blizzard of the month.

Cashier: Yama'am. Everybody likes the Dairy Queen so it's been real busy. Maybe we'll get us some dem Tags-along one day soon.

Me: But the special ends in FOUR DAYS!

UGH!! WHAT?! They expect me to fly to Jesus when the rapture comes without having my "TAGS-ALONG" Blizzard first. I mean what is going on?! Are the damn girl scouts skipping too slow?!! Why does DQ not have any of "dem" cookies? I mean, I need dem girl scouts to get to the Dairy Queen STAT.

Needless to say, DQ didn't have anything "waffle" related either. They were out of waffle cones, waffle bowls, waffle fries and whatever else that can be made from waffles ;). So the BF and I left really disappointed. We are going back AGAIN tonight. This time, I am going to call the Girl Scouts beforehand to make sure those little ditsy, pig-tail wearing, green-vest-sporting kids have made their delivery.

Comments

2009-07-28T09:30:00.003-05:00

One of my dear friends pointed out to me that only a few of you are allowed to post comments on my blog. The reason for that is because my settings were fixed to where only google and blogspot account holders can comment. Google/Blogspot automatically does this as a precaution against spam commenters.

I have now opened my comments to everyone who feels like leaving feedback. My only request, you have to promise to not post under anonymous. That is just super annoying.

But for future blog use, you might want to go ahead and register for a google account. I won't hurt you or bite and you'll be able to comment on other blogs in the future! yay.

NOT picture perfect

2009-07-27T22:56:00.004-05:00

As I am sure I have mentioned before, my bf is a hot piece of man meat. We get along like, well, I guess we get along like Mark Darcy and Bridget Jones. Which means that we don't! Hehe, j/k. I heart him ALOT! But we really fit that mold. He's really smart, charming, handsome, and I'm just NOT (any of the above)!

We've been dating for exactly 2 years, 1 month and 18 days. (HOLY MOLY!) And out of all that time, we have managed to take less than a handful of good, quality "couples" pictures. For some reason, ALL OF THEM turn out like this...

What is the matter with us?! How am I supposed to frame something like that?

The Big Reveal!

2009-07-27T16:14:00.003-05:00

Ta Da! Here is the coveted baby shower invite that we ordered. Isn't it just precious! The hostesses are WAY EXCITED about it. :)

Sorry the image is really low-res, I had to upload it on a creepy old scanner since our other machine is broken. Oh, and I smudged out all the personal info, cause you just really don't need to know all that :).

Brunettes Have More Fun?? (!)

2009-07-17T12:05:00.002-05:00

I'm testing out a new look at work today. What do you think? hehe.

Pinch me, I'm dreaming...

2009-07-15T09:30:00.009-05:00

Last night I rented a movie because there was nothing good on t.v. I decided to watch New in Town starring Harry Connick Jr. and Renee Zellweger. It was awful, don't rent it. While watching in complete boredom, I thought to myself, "wouldn't it be so awesome if Renee would just stick to making Bridget movies. Those are the only movies she does well. I wish she would gain some freakin' weight and be Bridget again." That was the extent of my daydreaming, and then I snapped back into reality.

Well, this morning when I got to work, I sat down to do my morning ritual of reading the entertainment news. Little did I know that my wish from last night would come true! RENEE IS DOING ANOTHER BRIDGET JONES MOVIE!!! My twin is back! The fictional character that imulates my life on the big screen will yet again sport her famous granny panties for the world to see!! SOOOOOOO excited.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am the reincarnate version of Bridget. We have no class, no formality and are not seductive in the least. But, we are fun, jolly, witty folk. And, we slightly resemble each other. Therefore, you can understand why I am on top of the world now, more excited than I have been in awhile.

According to the story on people.com, the latest installment will focus on a 4o-ish Bridget's desire to have a baby before it's too late. Should be very comical!

Missing Soulja??

2009-07-13T16:26:00.000-05:00

I have two followers, that's it, only two. Sooo THANKFUL for my two followers though. One of them is my high school bestie, "O." We call her "O" cause she used to resemble Olive Oil, from Popeye. Her blog is super fly! If my only other follower got bored, she could check it out at christinebuehler.blogspot.com.

Speaking of my other follower, who are you? It says Soulja Girls, but you have no profile. How did I become friends with a missing blogger. Soulja Girls, you went MIA! I hope it wasn't those dadgum internet terrorists! I'll pray for you along with all the other POIs (Prisoners of the Internet).

I guess that means that now I only have ONE, count it, ONE follower. Thanks O! I love you!

We're having a Fetus Party!! Whoot!

2009-07-13T13:43:00.002-05:00

I am single. I don't have babies. I know nothing about babies. I don't want babies right now, but will at some point. (For now, I just cannot IMAGINE waking up at 6 a.m. every morning for the next 10 years of my life. Or, not being able to lay on the couch in my undies anymore because children are running around. That's insane! Pantie time is very important. hehe.) Anywho, I have friends that desire to be mommies and daddies. (Just don't call me earlier than 10 a.m. because your kids are hollerin' and you need to vent because you are TIRED and cranky. Just get you a strong cup of coffee because it was your bright idea to have the sweet little munchkins, and let me sleep.)

I'm excited to be an "aunty" though. Babysitting on occasion is fun. I am good for day trips to the ice cream parlor, the zoo, kite-flying extravaganzas, and play gyms among the other numerous activities you can do with little ones. I also like to swing kids in the air, you know, when you go in circles?! (Yeah, that kind of fun comes with elbow-dislocation risks though, just an FYI.) I am also good at doing the airplane thing with my legs and letting children do somersaults from my stomach.

The point is, one of my best friends is pregnant. She conceived only after a few weeks of being off b.c. (so beware ladies, it can happen faster than you expect). Her baby is due on my other bestie's bday, November 8. I'm actually getting really excited about it. Two special birthdays on the very same day. I like it that way. It's very easy to remember.

As the potential aunty/"godmothers," her sister-in-law and I took on the responsibility of throwing the baby shower or as I like to call it, the "Fetus Party!" At first it was just another shower for me until I ordered the invites. They are SUPER CUTE!!!

I partially designed several invitations at Storkie.com and had a field day. Here is one invite I created. It's not the one I ordered, because I want that one to be a surprise, but here's the first runner up. Isn't it just ADORABLE!! (This design is somewhat like the one I ordered, but very different at the same time. Make sure you visit Storkie.com if you are in the market for baby invites/announcements!)Now that I have created the invitation, I am going Fetus Party crazy!! I want to order plates, napkins, cups, forks and even return address labels with the same design on it. This is sooo weird, I have never really enjoyed planning or going to any shower, and now I can't stop thinking about my Fetus Party! I even thought about decorating the house with bears and presents wrapped the same as those on the invite. My mind is just wandering OUT. OF. CONTROL!

Of course I can't do half of the things I want to because the sis-in-law and I are on a budget. Anyone have any cool, cheap ideas for my Fetus Party?! The colors are the same as in the invite above and I want to keep the theme the same, teddy bears, strollers, etc. I know you guys are creative. Help me out and give me something to keep me busy so that I don't end up going really baby crazy!!

New Look...

2009-06-23T15:34:00.001-05:00

I am experimenting so please be patient with me and give me feedback!! U like, yay or nay?! I'm cool with either.

Just call me Kate

2009-06-09T15:09:00.002-05:00

Okay so housesitting this week isn't exactly "unlike" Goldie Hawn in the Housesitter. My food was practically untouched and Mom and Dad left me Comissary BBQ and banana pudding, spaghetti and CHEESE DIP! So I'm content AND FAT. Plus I definitely got compensated in gas money as well. This week hasn't been a breeze so far, but it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be either. So just call me Kate, she's not exactly Goldie Hawn, but she sure is dang close!

Unlike Goldie Hawn in "The Housesitter"

2009-06-05T11:13:00.001-05:00

My parents are going away to Florida for the next 8 days. I am charged with house-sitting for them while they are gone. I'm fine with that because I would rather watch over my dog (that lives at their house) instead of them boarding him at the vet.

Mom left me money for gas, because it's quite a hike from downtown to the suburbs and back everyday, but I have to buy my own groceries. I'm fine with that because thats more than they have left me before...

...The last time I house sat for them was when they went to Hot Springs with a group of their friends. It was right after they turned my childhood room into the nursing home/hospice decorated guest room (which they expected me to sleep in, AND make out with my boyfriend in, EWWWW!) They left me no gas money, the pantry was depleted and the fridge, spare. But to top it all off, they let their friend PARK IN THE GARAGE!! Now, that's when mom drew the line in the sand for me, that's when the **** (you know what) hit the fan. I promptly called my mom and blessed her out for leaving the house to me with such horrendous conditions (no food, no compensation for altering my social life and daily commute, and a POORLY decorated bedroom). Not only that, BUT I HAD TO PARK ON THE STREET!!!...

So getting paid in gas money is fine by me. The other day I went with my mom to the grocery store to stock the fridge at the parents house for when they're outta town. I got taco stuff. One night and day for lunch I could have tacos, then another day taco salad and maybe another day taco soup (this is how single people eat... I mean there are a lot of ways you can mix up a pound of taco meat!!). So to be nice, my mom cooks up the meat for me and leaves it in the fridge ready for me to use. (Therefore, I'm set, I got food and gas money so I'm happy and ready to housesit for a week.)

At noon today I got a text from my sis saying that she is working out by my parents house this week. She'll be going home to eat lunch everyday. And of course, as my mothers daughters, we are always welcome to anything in her fridge. So I'm sure the sis will just help herself to my deliciously pre-prepared taco meat. FML.

Oh and to top it all off. Mom told all the neighbors that I will be watching over the house this week. She just wanted to make sure THEY COULD ALL KEEP AN EYE ON ME!!

Yeah, I know, the neighbors will be watching me like I'm in high school all over again, plus I have a weeks worth of gas allowance, I still have to sleep and make out in the wretched hospice room and yet again I have no food to eat. This should be AN AWESOME WEEK!!

About Me (the uncut/unrated version)

2009-06-02T22:44:00.000-05:00

SassyMcSmartyPants describes me perfectly. I am a 27-year-old goof who enjoys a healthy dose of sarcasim and possesses a touch of sass. Quickwitt is a trait with which I pride myself. If I'm not being witty, I'm just a smart ass. Like my mom says, "assholes surround themselves with assholes," therefore my life is never boring.(And when I say "assholes" don't take offense, I mean smart asses like me.)

I am a SWF, not technically, but legally. I've been dating an "asshole" (no, really, that's one of his pet names) for two years now! (YAY! Never thought we'd get this far but am sooo excited about it!) Therefore, I may refer to him by that name throughout this blog. (Again, don't take offense, PLEASE!)

I work in Communications for a living and I rarely get to use EMPHASIS IN MY WRITING. That being so, I may use the letter "o" repeatedly just to indicate the significance of what I'm saying. I also like to capitalize words randomly which implies I AM SAYING SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT or that needs to be called to your attention. The use of double exclamation marks (!!) and "the question/ exclamation mark combo" (?!) will happen frequently so just get used to it.

Now, back to me... I currently "stay" in Memphis where the government is corrupt and everything is a race issue (including what color underwear one may choose to wear). The bluff city, as they call it, has been my permanent "home" for most of my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. Throughout the years though, I have lived in all of the major cities in Tennessee and can call East Tennessee my favorite of all the regions in which I have "stayed". There is just something about rednecks decked out in orange that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

My sense of humor is weird at best. I always find myself talking about farts, poop, food and sex (besides my own lack-luster experiences with "sexual relations"). It's just something about those four things. So if any of these topics offend you, please stop reading NOW!